Ziva
by cjorgo
Summary: what If you had a new life in America would you really want to give it all up just for a farther who abused you as a child? when you've finally found a place where people care about you? this is my story of hardship, of love, of hope and of loss. what happens in all of that when you find out your pregnant? when you turn to the man you love and he turns you away? what then?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: i don't own the ideas that characters or the plot this is just a but of fun. :D**

**and just updating the edited version of the text hope you enjoy. **

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Chapter 1:

The day started like any other, I woke up at dawn to spend two hours in the training room before walking in to the main dining room and eating a meal of bread, cheese and tomato. Then heading into the street, it was strange wandering around the streets of a country that wasn't mine. No one comes up to you asking for money; begging on every free part of ground on the streets.

Back home, most of the people could've recognized me as a Mossad, just by the fact that I had money. Yet, here everyone has money, America is a rich country. "America" I said to myself quietly. I liked that word but I couldn't get used to it I had a mission my mission was a personal one, a family one.

2 weeks previously.

"David, your brother has gotten himself into a situation with the American Defense force."

"What has he done?" I asked with a sigh.

That idiot! He should've known better than to do anything that involved the American forces. "Your brother, Ari Haswari, has killed an American officer of the unit that goes by the name of NCIS"

I groaned. He was always looking for trouble just because they didn't believe in the same values as us. I closed my eyes as the memory came back.

I walked along the narrow side walk leading to the side of the street. I walked into the dark warehouse that seemed empty but I could smell tobacco that had only recently been smoked. My brother had always been one for the American cigar. I followed the poorly disguised footprints in the dust that could almost be mistaken for a greyish carpet. My hand rested on my gun as I knew that my brother would kill without thinking. If someone was going to get killed it wouldn't be me.

My gun directed around the corner of a storage crate and pointed my gun, aiming it at one of the guys on the outside of the pack. Oy Ari, we need to talk."

There were three guns on me almost before I had finished the first syllable, "Why did you come here Ziva?"

My reply was simple, "to stop you doing something stupid big brother."

"I can look after myself," he muttered.

"Hmm," I muttered, "you know you have a guy after you that has enough passion to kill a nation?"

"He also doesn't have the guts to kill anyone." He replied with a snarl.

I just rolled my eyes, "well that was my job to find you and warn you Now that I am done, I should get going."

I tried to back away slowly making sure I kept facing the group of largely tattooed men. They almost scared me a little but I just hoped that there was another group of trigger happy Americans that couldn't hit a target if it hit them in the tukhus (ass in Israeli).

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**Ok I admit it isn't great but this is my first story so please go easy on me. but i hope you still like it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: see chapter 1**

**again the edited version so people can understand what I've written :D**

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My gun was wrenched from my hand with such force that it made my arm ache. I kicked out my foot making contact but not waiting to find out if they'd fallen. I pulled away kicking and punching anything within reach. My attempts were futile, yes, they were thugs, but it still wasn't a fair fight. Six against one no matter how stupid they were it had to count for something. I felt the strong, sweaty and callused hands of one of my attackers wrenching my mouth open and stuffing it full of a rag that tasted like axle grease.

They dragged me into a van that was parked outside the warehouse. I lay there for what felt like hours in the blistering airless back of the transport vehicle. I could feel the sweat running down my face like a bottle that only has a tiny hole emptying itself but it will take many hours even with the energy slowly draining from my body.

I didn't know how long I'd been trapped in there but it didn't matter because no one alive knew my mission. Well they might, but they wouldn't be alive for much longer now that my brother and his movement knew what I was doing.

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It could've been hours, it could've been days, all I remember was a man from the gang pulling me, still bound and gaged from the van. His heavily tattooed arms grabbed my hair and wrenched me out of the vehicle and roughly across the footpath, before dumping me near a fancy looking building.

I shut my eyes, hoping that someone would come by but I didn't have much hope. It looked like somewhere between 7pm and 5am in the morning.

My eyes where heavy and my head was throbbing so as little as I liked it, I had to let myself slowly sink into the dark restful oblivion that is sleep.

I woke up to the first light by a man with grey hair. I sat there bound to a large, gannet column; he reached into my pocket withdrawing a utility knife slicing through the ropes that had been holding my hands fast there would be big grooves where the rope had sliced into my wrists and the same on my ankles. Finally, removing the piece of fabric that was gaging my mouth, his hands gentle as he helped me shakily to my feet. He still hadn't said anything. The silence was almost deathly as he steered me into the lift he finally said "what is your name madam?"

I knew he didn't really need to know now but it just seemed to be polite, "Ziva David".

"You've got game turning up here."

I couldn't understand what in the world he was talking about I hadn't exactly turned up by my own consent. "why?"

My English, heavily accented as it was seemed to stop him for a second "your brother…"

"What about my brother?"

The words fell out of my mouth before I had even realize what I was saying all of a sudden everything made sense except for the fact that he left me here.

He stopped as we reached the floor and he prodded me sharply. He led me in more of a restrained position into the room that looked like some sort of autopsy lab, like the things you see on all those crime shows but this time it was the real thing. He pushed me in the direction of the shorter, older looking man who gave him a questioning look, "get her in a condition that I can talk to her, and Ducky if she gives you any trouble sedate her"

My brain was moving at a hundred miles an hour what doses sedate mean? And why does he think I'll be trouble? What do they want with me?

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**please comment :D and I hope you like it. sorry it was so short i will try and make the next chapters longer.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer see chapter 1**

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His voice made me jump. The way it echoed around the tiled walls of the autopsy room, "now you have met Gibbs and some what infuriated him, please sit down"

"Thank you. Sorry, but why is he so angry with me? What have I done?" I questioned.

As I said this, I perched on the edge of an autopsy bench that I was almost certain that only earlier had held cadavers. "I'm sorry my dear but I really don't know."

I winced as he dabbed some sort of liquid into the deep lacerations on my wrists and ankles "So what is your name?"

"Ziva David."

"Ah..."

"What…?" I was yelling now my ascent getting stronger in my temper. "Why dose my name have anything to do with this?"

"Ari…"

"Do you think I was the one who strapped myself to the front of the NCIS?"

"I was supposed to be on a secret mission but now that's spoiled," I grumbled on.

"Well you need to stay calm I will get Gibbs to contact your agency"

"They won't be happy…"

"You didn't catch him this time but you'll get him next time"

I sighed, "what do I tell that Agent that doesn't like me?"

"My dear, he just doesn't understand your circumstances. Also for you information that 'Agent' is agent Gibbs. Please be polite and treat him as a superior."

"Why?"

I had calmed down and by now was beginning to wince as he dabbed a brown liquid on my ankles.

"Done."

He said pulling me back to reality and out of my thoughts. "You can get down now Ziva."

The way he said my name was strange, like his mouth didn't like the taste of my name. I looked over as I heard the phone ring.

I've been taught not to eavesdrop but I was also taught never to take on more than one guy at once both of those rules I think can be exactable. He answered the phone loudly, to so it was almost an invitation to listen.

_"Jethro"_

_…_

_"Yes….yes I'll send her down"_

_"Oh and Jethro be nice listen to her story before you start ranting at her"_

"Ok Ziva, I'll get Tony to take you to the interrogation room"

"Interrogation Room? I'm not a criminal."

"Just think of it as a private place to talk."

The Agent at the door flashed a tooth paste commercial smile; his body was tanned and there was the definition of muscle just showing under his lose, white work shirt.

I rolled my eyes and followed his lead into the elevator, down the hall and into the interrogation room (A164).

I took a deep breath at the entrance I made my face into a mask. I was hoping that I could keep up the charade if I was forced to lie for my freedom.

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**again the edited version **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: see chapter 1**

**Ok so i haven't had this edited yet so there will probably be a lack of punctuation and alto of goodly grammar but i was bored and plus I've written to chapter 7 so far so hope you like**

**(just a warning to those people out there my shortest completed story in on the border of 250,000 words so i am barely starting yet)**

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"Why did you come here?"

The question was uttered in a menacing sort of way that made a shiver run down my spine. "Do you think I choose to share your company?"

"What dose Ari want?"

"I don't know."

This was the truth and I know he could tell it in my voice. "So then why did you get involved?"

"He is my half brother and he's a killer"

I didn't elaborate, knowing if he wanted me to, he would push me to. "That still doesn't answer my question…"

"It was my mission," I said interrupting him.

"Mission from whom?"

"Mossad."

"If that is so then why are you here?"

"My job is to bring Ari back dead or alive."

He looked at me for the first time studying my face closely like I was a piece of evidence under a microscope.

I could feel myself wanting to shrink away into the shadows but I held my stance. I hadn't done anything wrong my orders had been to capture Ari I may have failed at the task but I had every right to follow them.

He paced the length of the room before uttering "sit"

I lowered myself warily into the chair that was hard and largely uncomfortable "so what do you have to say for your self?"

"I …"

I could see he was on edge and when I paused to construct my sentence and turn it into English the pause was enough to push him over the edge. He bashed his fists onto the table making it shudder and rock. I felt threatened as he learned over me "I what?"

He spat in a voice that could've easily been mistaken for a snarled "why did I waste my time on you? You're just like your scum of a brother and you both disserve a place in hell"

He began to walk towards the door when I spoke my voice was measured and controlled "I was saying that I am an agent from Mossad and I ..."

I was trying to stay calm nut it was difficult with an obviously ex–military of some kind judging by the haircut. But before I could continue speaking he had interrupted again.

"You say you're hunting Ari? He is you brother…"

"Half-brother"

"He is you half-brother your family how can you expect yourself to kill him?"

"I expect to kill him like I've killed others"

"You don't UNDERSTAND! He killed my agent and I want him dead"

The anguish in his voice was so that it made shivers run down my spine.

"If you think I'm part of the problem then why haven't you charged me? Or don't you have proof? I have to ask if I was working with Ari then why did he tie me up outside your building as a message."

I knew that my English was becoming more accented the angrier I got but I was sure that my message was being understood. He stopped his pacing that I hadn't even noticed him start again "are you going to charge me or are you going to send me back to hell?"

"How did you become an agent?"

"Excuse me?"

"I asked a question answer it"

"Yes sir I was the daughter of the head of Mossad agency and I didn't have a choice"

"There is always a choice"

"mine was this or die"


	5. Chapter 5

Ok so i am updating again before it has been edited but i got bored.

disclaimer: see chapter 1

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"Come"

The way he spoke made it sound like a command rather than a request. Shocked by the way he thought it was fine just to order me around like I was one of his agents. I walked out into the hall and followed his lead into a room about the size of a tennis court. He didn't even acknowledge the assistance of the person I had earlier been told was called tony.

I was led into the "conference room" where there was a giant screen that covered one of the walls. Then all of the sudden the face farther of my appeared on the screen so suddenly that I moved backwards crashing into Gibbs who was standing behind me. He held me shoulders and pushed me forward "I am so, so sorry sir"

"Save it"

"Special agent Gibbs I am sorry for the inconvenience my daughter has caused your agency and she will be severely punished for her incompetence once she arrives back in Israel"

"Excuse me director but I think you may be mistaken your agent is staying here she is suspected for terrorism and a key member in our investigation"

"She is my daughter my agent and I want her on the next flight back to Israel"

"No"

He flicked the switch making the screen to go black. I realized that I'd shrunk back into the dark black corner of the room. Gibbs looked back at me "you're afraid of him but not me?"

"You didn't shot at me as a child to improve my reflex's you also didn't break both my arms to improve my pain tolerance"

He seemed shocked and thrown by my sudden opening up about my past. He stopped and looked at me "you understand that this is my duty to protect you while you're under my custody in America and that means you have to follow my orders"

I rolled my eyes you may be my new boss I am still disposable. All agents are disposable the best are useful but in the end they all become worthless. Looking back at our previous conversation this didn't make sense especially in accordance with the fact that he had said I am under his protection. I don't need protection, I don't need anyone and I don't follow orders.

Looking into the eyes of my newly superior officer I realized there was something there was it care protection? I'd read stories containing this feeling but I had never felt some care about me.

_Ziva age 10_

_Dodge girl dodge anyone who wants to kill you won't be aiming at tree your standing next to. My heart raced as another band, bang band rang out I had to leap to the grown rolling over before the third bullet reached its mark. I reached down applying pressure to my leg. _

_How many times do I have to tell you to dodge? This is for your own good you know. You will thank me one day._

_He struck my arm with the point of his steal capped boot 'crack'. The pain ran up my arm like a rapidly running stream. When you feel pain you dodge or you feel more pain. He grinned horribly his teeth yellowing and covered in golden fillings._

I nodded my memories scared me more than anything else that could happen to me because my memories never left the pain was gone yes but the fear was not.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: chapter 1

again i just want to update before editing so please excuse the manger grammar errors and significant lack of punctuation.

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He paused and looked closely at my face studying my expression. Then gestured to the desk next to his "take Kate's desk"

His voice was barely audible above the chatter in the office. He face was sullen as he growled a little louder "Abby will show you round"

Questions where piling up who was Kate? Is she dead because of Ari? Who is Abby? ... Well at least one of them was answered in the form an early twenties Goth. "so you must be Ziva"

Her façade was cheerful but deep down I could see she didn't like me or was very unhappy about something to do with me.

"Why dose everyone hate me?"

I knew it was blunt almost rude but I needed to know the truth. "Not everyone…"

"Fine, why don't you like me then?"

"It's not that I don't like you, it's that I don't know you. Also I feel like they've just replace Kate with you"

Things where starting to make sense Kate had been here first and I am related to the person who killed her, if I was on the team then I would hate me to.

"Um… I thought you were going to show me around?"

"Right yes"

I was dragged from the director's office back to the morgue then into her pride and joy as I could tell her lab. He showed me all her equipment and explained how it all worked.

At 21:30 Gibbs finally managed to persuade Abby to let me go me home. Well it was more take me home as I didn't really have anywhere to live so in the meantime I would be sharing with Abby.

On arrival at the front door I braced myself if Abby's lab had been anything to judge from then she had a pretty peculiar sense of interior design.

I wasn't disappointed her house was like the house of the living dead fit with full size coffin and what if I wasn't mistaken looked to be a torcher chamber converted into a TV unit. I sighed "I think I'll take the couch I'm pretty tired it's been a long day."

"We'll pick up you clothes tomorrow before work ok?"

"Fine, night"

She smiled at me before climbing into her coffin I shook my head sometimes people perplex me. This was my last thought before I woke to the smell of coffee brewing and very loud music no vocals just heavy metal beats.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer see chapter 1**

**sorry its a short chapter but there will be a really long chapter 8 so get exited**

**PS my editor ie, friend is really slow at getting back to me and i am bored so hope you enjoy**

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I stretched climbing off of the sofa, and looking into the coffin that was now empty before making my way into the small kitchen that contained an already heavily makeup covered Abby in high black Doc Martins and a mini tartan skirt.

Once breakfast was over and cereal is disgusting, we made our way to my hotel room where I picked up my belongings before arriving slightly early (6:30) at NCIS. Not to my surprise Gibbs was already there, and glared at me as I walked in.

I gave Abby a questioning look that was replied with "its not you he hates the world before his coffee"

"Correction I hate people who disturbed me in general before coffee"

I sighed before taking my position at my desk.

Barley an hour had passed since arriving at work and there hadn't been much of anything that was until an overexcited Abby half ran half danced into the room.

"Gibbs you're never going to believe this"

"Try me"

"ok so there was a hit on the car rego used by Ari it's a hire car from _thrifty rental company_ not a place that I would ever borrow a car from talk about costumer service…"

"Abby get to the point"

Well they process over 3000 cars a day and the clerk is grumpy and very unhelpful. I sighed turning to Gibbs "so what do you want me to do?"

Knowing that I was in for another late night "you and tony are going to go to the lux lounge"

"Lux Lounge?"

"A club Ziva"

Came Tony's reply, "Boss why am I going to a club?"

"Because I told you to"

"I couldn't help feel that there was more of a reason to this post than was spoken about but I let that go though not enough not to carry a revolver in my purse.

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	8. Chapter 8

**So people please review and keep reading this may be the last update for a little while because i am going hiking for a week and i wont have access to a computer.**

**Disclaimer: see chapter 1**

**my editor isn't replying to my emails so again i hope to update the good copy soon.**

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On my arrival to the club I was shocked at with the free will and lack of care that these people showed as they danced around the over crowded floor. I felt a hand on my shoulder; I turned around quickly hoping it was tony. It wasn't it was some knuckle head that had only made it through high school because the desks became too small.

I shrugged him off before finding a corner free of kissing couples to stand and watch, the more I thought about it the more I realised that I had actually been disappointed that it wasn't tony but why I am talking about the arrogant, self-centred DiNozzo. Though he could be charming and handsome … how can I be thinking this I work with him for goodness sake.

My thoughts however were interrupted by a hand on my shoulder making me jump my hand itching towards the gun that I could feel inside my clutch. "Ziva did I startle you?"

I sighed in relief "thank god tony."

"Why did you think I was?"

"Someone I would have had to shoot."

"Ziva did you really bring a gun?"

"Yes didn't you?"

"No Ziva this is a club no weapons are allowed."

"That's never stopped me."

"Tony…"

"Mmm" Came his murmured reply.

"Why do you think were here?"

"Honestly couldn't tell you but I bet its one of Gibbs hunches."

"It wouldn't be much of a bet if we both had our money on the same thing." I muttered looking around for eaves droppers.

"Well seeing as were here we might as well make the most of it."

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About an hour later there was a lot of noise but the crowd was starting to thin out and people were heading out to cars and into alleyways the rest of the crowd was so drunk they couldn't stand.

I couldn't help but wonder where tony had gotten to I mean I wasn't worried ok that's a lie I was but only as a friend. I am just worried about his safety the same way I worry about McGee or Gibbs.

No I'm lying to myself again I do care for tony more than the others, where has he gotten to?

What if he left with someone? No he would tell me he was going wouldn't he?I decided that I would have a look around for him I mean he had to be somewhere here.

I made my way down the filthy steps to the bathroom when I saw a slumped figure against the wall.


	9. Chapter 9

Ok so i lied this will probably maybe hopefully not be the last chapter.

Disclaimer see chapter 1

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"Tony?"

I half screamed half whimpered in fear, quickly pulling out my gun and running over cursing the fact that I had warn heals before bending over to see the man was in fact tony. My heart stopped when I saw the large gash in his side. My heart was in my mouth as I began to apply pressure to the bleeding with the other in was calling the ambulance and Gibbs.

Just as I hung up the phone I felt something cold and metallic press up against the back of my neck put your hands in the and follow me.

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One year later

I've tried hope, faith, love, dreams. What is the point if I man never going to escape this infernal place? How am I expected to stay in hope how am I supposed to be a mother to a child, a child that was created through torture through pain not lover, care or devotion?

My dreams have become so real that when I first heard there voices I thought it was just the hunger taking over me but as they came closer they became more real. Even so I still couldn't get the strength or energy to lift my head from the cold stone ground. I think I may have drifted out of consciousness for a time because I woke to the feeling of a hand wrapping around my waist its warmth radiating through the thin blanket I was using as clothing and heating the core of my body.

I felt dizzy with the attempt to walk; only just registering in my consciousness was the voice of tony worried and caring "boss she doesn't look to good…"

"The sooner we get her out of this hell hole the better"

I could tell that Gibbs under his facade was caring inside. This was the last thing I could remember before I woke to see a doctor walking over and smiling at me. I tried to return the gesture but felt too drained.

"So how do you feel?" Asked the young female doctor, in a way that made her seem like she actually cared.

"Tired"

"That's expected to start with I expect you haven't had any prenatal care?

"No"

"Do you know how far along you are?"

"No," I said again feeling sheepish.

"Ok I think it would be best if we performed an ultrasound just to see what affect you lack of food has had on your child, but first you have some visitors that have been really worried about you"

I just nodded.

First came Tony and Gibbs, it felt like I didn't belong anymore even though they made a fuss of me checking I was alright asking if I felt sick they had replaced me upgraded found a better person for the job.

Although when tony left Gibbs stayed back for a moment folding back the covers exposing my rather bloated stomach, he placed his hand gently on its surface and mummed more to himself than anyone else "who did this to you Ziva? Who did this?"

Then he to was gone leaving me alone and feeling scared, scared of the future scared of the present and of the past, the past scared me the most memories of my childhood the tortures of the year previously the fear when I realised I may be pregnant, the fear of the world how? How could this happen … to me.


	10. Chapter 10

2 weeks later

I walked out of the hospital maternity clinic alone, very alone not just because I didn't have anyone to walk with me but also because as I didn't have the farther of my child to hold my hand _I didn't want him to either _but I wanted someone to hold me when I cried someone to be there when I threw up I wanted someone to love me, no not someone I knew who I wanted, I wanted DiNozzo, I wanted him to care for me as more than a friend.

I climbed into the cab and cursed to the gods that I had ever been so stupid to ever, I sighed I knew what I wanted to say but I also knew that I would never get the courage to say it.

Once I arrived at the headquarters of NCIS the driver handed me my overnight bag. I took a deep breath before making my way shakily into the foyer before stepping into the elevator. Just as the door began to close a shout sounded that voice was all too recognisable, a hand appeared between the doors closely followed by the stupid, arrogant but also incredibly handsome grinning face of DiNozzo.

I sighed and moved back to let him past. He smiled more broadly in his own special way that made me feel a small flutter inside me. I looked down at my stomach the little life that's growing inside me struggled and moved around it seemed to be the only one that knew what I was really thinking, my thoughts were rudely interrupted as DiNozzo touched my arm, I looked into his face it looked like he was concerned this puzzled me he only seemed to care about himself but then he had risk his life to save mine "Ziva.."

He pronounced my name with a small flourish. "I…I am so glad you are back"

He seemed sincere, at that moment the doors opened and the bullpen came into view in the time I had been away it had barely changed my desk stood there the same as the day I had left it. The place was still buzzing I listened as the voice of Gibbs bellowing at some poor junior agent who had stuffed up some paperwork.

I weaved my way through the bullpen and up the stairs into the Director office, his sectary picked up the phone for what seemed to be half a second, muttered something inaudible then said turning to me "he will see you now"

I walked into the timbre clad office complete with conference table and personal water cooler, though unlike most of the time I was afraid more afraid than when I had started where I didn't want to go back and if there was anything in my power I could do to stay where I would.

"please sit"

I lowered myself slowly into a chair "So Ziva you are back"

"Yes I am back"

"To stay?"

My brain was working at a million miles a hour, did this mean I had a choice? Was he asking wether I would like to stay? "I would still like to work for NCIS if that is what you mean?"

He nodded; my hand was tracing worried circles around the edge of my stomach. "You would be on desk duty and minimal field work until you return from maternity leave"

I nodded, "if that is all then you may go"

I let out a sigh of relief, the familiar shout rang out "dead marine grab your gear"

I smiled slightly before walking over to my desk and grabbing the only thing that had been replaced in my absence, my gear bag. Gibbs walked over and shook his head "not this time Ziva"

"I've been cleared for the field Gibbs"

"Not by me you haven't"

I glared at him in annoyance "I am coming any your not going to stop me"

"Maybe I won't stop you but I'm sure DiNozzo will"

"What?"  
"He didn't shut up about you the whole time you where missing"

"So"

"So, he was worried about you and you shouldn't seriously expect him to let you do anything that could be classified as dangerous"

"He doesn't have any reason to stop me"

He glared at me as I pushed passed I walked down and climbed into the front passenger seat as Gibbs climbed into the drivers seat and a complaining Tony squeezing himself into the back sea.

"you know…"

He complained loudly "that these back seats must've been designed for tiny people."

I smiled I couldn't help myself it felt good to be back and I liked the way I was still part of things even though I didn't belong I felt like I was home.


	11. Chapter 11

As we arrived at the scene of the crime it shocked me the way the team responded to the appearance of another agent they turned sour towards her and it seemed and this bit really puzzled me until he half jogged over to her and wrapped his arms around her. Not to surprise I felt a pang of jealousy, it made me feel better when Gibb's barked at them "Oy you two what ever happened to rule 12?"

I sighed before taking up a camera and traipsing through the undergrowth following the already trampled plants.

I heard the others closely behind me but I didn't turn around, I couldn't let them see the tears welling up in my eyes that where slowly spilling down my cheeks. I barely noticed tony taking the camera off me and starting to take pictures, while Gibbs steered me off to the side "Ziva, are you alright?"

I shook myself slightly "Yes I'm fine"

I said this a little too abruptly to be completely believable. He raised his eyebrow but let me return to the crime scene without any further hindrance. So I began to tag ever dance though there was a niggling feeling that I was missing something was wrong, then it hit me tony had stoped taking photos, the I heard the end of a stifled conversation cut short.

I knelt on the ground and placed another tag beside a piece of cloth that was near the victims body while running my hand down my spine trying to press out the discomfit that was caused by having to lug around a baby inside of me. I felt a hand snake its way around my abdomen, a warm and strong helped me to my feet I turned around and found myself standing almost directly on top of DiNozzo, I felt a small smile creep itself across my face. "Thanks"

I murmured, this was followed by one of his characteristic grins.

We arrived back at the Head Quarters around five and settled into our work behind the desks. Two hours later the DNA results came in as one Johnson Mark background two tours to Afghanistan a bravery medal and the usual he was a great man no obvious motive for murder.

An hour later tony walked into the room with Thai food. He grinned at my haste to dig in.

"Hungry?"

"Starving"

"How far along are you?"

He asked in a light hearted tone. "just a little over seven and a half months"

His grin broadened as he reached out his hand hovering just above my stomach before shooting a questioning look my way. I responded by taking his hand in mine and placing it gently on the surface of my swollen stomach.

Just then his junior agent friend walked in her blond hair glinting in the light her blue eyes narrowed in disgust. She caught us both by surprise when she screamed out "TONY DINOZZO YOU ARE A CHEATING SON OF A BITCH"

What else caught me off guard was the fact that Tony's reaction was to stand in front of me wrapping his hands protectively around me.

I quickly untwined myself from his grip and made a hasty escape down to Abby's lab. Once the elevator arrived at the BG level I took a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. As I walked into the room filled with the familiar sound of heavy rock music and was enveloped in a strangling hug. Then held me out at arms length examining me closely "you need sleep"

She concluded "no I'm fine"

"Why do you look like you're the walking dead not that there is anything wrong with the walking dead but…"

"Abby, I'm fine I was just the reason that tony got into domestic troubles with his girlfriend…"

"Ziva, look at me"

I removed my eyes from the floor before she continued. "They are terrible together it turns into world war 3 whenever tony says or dose anything so it really isn't your fault"

I looked at her and I could tell that her black makeup rimmed eyes where telling the truth.

* * *

**the few readers that i had to begin with i hope you like this chapter update**


	12. Chapter 12

2 weeks later

I walked out of the hospital maternity clinic alone, very alone not just because I didn't have anyone to walk with me but also because as I didn't have the farther of my child to hold my hand I didn't want him to either but I wanted someone to hold me when I cried someone to be there when I threw up I wanted someone to love me, no not someone I knew who I wanted, I wanted DiNozzo, I wanted him to care for me as more than a friend.

I climbed into the cab and cursed to the gods that I had ever been so stupid to ever, I sighed I knew what I wanted to say but I also knew that I would never get the courage to say it.

Once I arrived at the headquarters of NCIS the driver handed me my overnight bag. I took a deep breath before making my way shakily into the foyer before stepping into the elevator. Just as the door began to close a shout sounded that voice was all too recognisable, a hand appeared between the doors closely followed by the stupid, arrogant but also incredibly handsome grinning face of DiNozzo.

I sighed and moved back to let him past. He smiled more broadly in his own special way that made me feel a small flutter inside me. I looked down at my stomach the little life that's growing inside me struggled and moved around it seemed to be the only one that knew what I was really thinking, my thoughts were rudely interrupted as DiNozzo touched my arm, I looked into his face it looked like he was concerned this puzzled me he only seemed to care about himself but then he had risk his life to save mine "Ziva.."

He pronounced my name with a small flourish. "I…I am so glad you are back"

He seemed sincere, at that moment the doors opened and the bullpen came into view in the time I had been away it had barely changed my desk stood there the same as the day I had left it. The place was still buzzing I listened as the voice of Gibbs bellowing at some poor junior agent who had stuffed up some paperwork.

I weaved my way through the bullpen and up the stairs into the Director office, his sectary picked up the phone for what seemed to be half a second, muttered something inaudible then said turning to me "he will see you now"

I walked into the timbre clad office complete with conference table and personal water cooler, though unlike most of the time I was afraid more afraid than when I had started where I didn't want to go back and if there was anything in my power I could do to stay where I would.

"please sit"

I lowered myself slowly into a chair "So Ziva you are back"

"Yes I am back"

"To stay?"

My brain was working at a million miles a hour, did this mean I had a choice? Was he asking wether I would like to stay? "I would still like to work for NCIS if that is what you mean?"

He nodded; my hand was tracing worried circles around the edge of my stomach. "You would be on desk duty and minimal field work until you return from maternity leave"

I nodded, "if that is all then you may go"

I let out a sigh of relief, the familiar shout rang out "dead marine grab your gear"

I smiled slightly before walking over to my desk and grabbing the only thing that had been replaced in my absence, my gear bag. Gibbs walked over and shook his head "not this time Ziva"

"I've been cleared for the field Gibbs"

"Not by me you haven't"

I glared at him in annoyance "I am coming any your not going to stop me"

"Maybe I won't stop you but I'm sure DiNozzo will"

"What?"  
"He didn't shut up about you the whole time you where missing"

"So"

"So, he was worried about you and you shouldn't seriously expect him to let you do anything that could be classified as dangerous"

"He doesn't have any reason to stop me"

He glared at me as I pushed passed I walked down and climbed into the front passenger seat as Gibbs climbed into the drivers seat and a complaining Tony squeezing himself into the back sea.

"you know…"

He complained loudly "that these back seats must've been designed for tiny people."

I smiled I couldn't help myself it felt good to be back and I liked the way I was still part of things even though I didn't belong I felt like I was home.

As we arrived at the scene of the crime it shocked me the way the team responded to the appearance of another agent they turned sour towards her and it seemed and this bit really puzzled me until he half jogged over to her and wrapped his arms around her. Not to surprise I felt a pang of jealousy, it made me feel better when Gibb's barked at them "Oy you two what ever happened to rule 12?"

I sighed before taking up a camera and traipsing through the undergrowth following the already trampled plants.

I heard the others closely behind me but I didn't turn around, I couldn't let them see the tears welling up in my eyes that where slowly spilling down my cheeks. I barely noticed tony taking the camera off me and starting to take pictures, while Gibbs steered me off to the side "Ziva, are you alright?"

I shook myself slightly "Yes I'm fine"

I said this a little too abruptly to be completely believable. He raised his eyebrow but let me return to the crime scene without any further hindrance. So I began to tag ever dance though there was a niggling feeling that I was missing something was wrong, then it hit me tony had stoped taking photos, the I heard the end of a stifled conversation cut short.

I knelt on the ground and placed another tag beside a piece of cloth that was near the victims body while running my hand down my spine trying to press out the discomfit that was caused by having to lug around a baby inside of me. I felt a hand snake its way around my abdomen, a warm and strong helped me to my feet I turned around and found myself standing almost directly on top of DiNozzo, I felt a small smile creep itself across my face. "Thanks"

I murmured, this was followed by one of his characteristic grins.

We arrived back at the Head Quarters around five and settled into our work behind the desks. Two hours later the DNA results came in as one Johnson Mark background two tours to Afghanistan a bravery medal and the usual he was a great man no obvious motive for murder.

An hour later tony walked into the room with Thai food. He grinned at my haste to dig in.

"Hungry?"

"Starving"

"How far along are you?"

He asked in a light hearted tone. "just a little over seven and a half months"

His grin broadened as he reached out his hand hovering just above my stomach before shooting a questioning look my way. I responded by taking his hand in mine and placing it gently on the surface of my swollen stomach.

Just then his junior agent friend walked in her blond hair glinting in the light her blue eyes narrowed in disgust. She caught us both by surprise when she screamed out "TONY DINOZZO YOU ARE A CHEATING SON OF A BITCH"

What else caught me off guard was the fact that Tony's reaction was to stand in front of me wrapping his hands protectively around me.

I quickly untwined myself from his grip and made a hasty escape down to Abby's lab. Once the elevator arrived at the BG level I took a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. As I walked into the room filled with the familiar sound of heavy rock music and was enveloped in a strangling hug. Then held me out at arms length examining me closely "you need sleep"

She concluded "no I'm fine"

"Why do you look like you're the walking dead not that there is anything wrong with the walking dead but…"

"Abby, I'm fine I was just the reason that tony got into domestic troubles with his girlfriend…"

"Ziva, look at me"

I removed my eyes from the floor before she continued. "They are terrible together it turns into world war 3 whenever tony says or dose anything so it really isn't your fault"

I looked at her and I could tell that her black makeup rimmed eyes where telling the truth.

I returned to the office late it was about 10:30 and the world seemed a much gloomier place. "Tony… I am so so sorry"

He looked up at me with a pained smile "you don't need to be sorry you didn't do anything wrong"

I sighed "anyway I need to finish these reports before I knock off"

The next morning

Tony was kneeling beside me gently shaking my shoulder "morning sleepy"

I groaned then pushed myself up and made a b line for the bathrooms just as Gibbs walked in. "DiNozzo what did you do to her?"

"Nothing boss I just woke her up and…"

"You let her sleep here?"

"Um Boss do you really think she would've listened to me?"

"She listens to you more than you think"

I returned my hair done my dress straitened and wandered my way back to my desk as I went to sit down Tony grabbed my hand and dragged me up and started pulling me to the door "Tony what do you think your doing?"

"Sending you home"

"Why?"

"To sleep"

I frowned at him with all my heart I wanted to follow his command but I couldn't I wasn't his to order around and he wasn't my boss.

"Come on then lie down on the floor and sleep there for a while"

I sighed and using a desk to stabilise myself I tried to lower myself to the floor. A hand wrapped around me supporting my weight lowering me to the ground. I looked up at him, even though my sight was blurring slightly with sleep I could still see the grin on his face.

I felt a hand lifting my head as he placed down his coat as a pillow, I couldn't help breathing in deeply the sent of his cologne as I lay there enjoying the sweet peace that is sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

I awoke to the sound of hushed voices and then a hand gently but firmly against my side. I opened my eyes blearily to see Tony, Gibbs and Abby with some difficulty I pushed myself into a sitting position with some difficulty, before I was enveloped in a hug by Abby. I looked hopefully up at Gibbs and Tony, "a hand please"

I could practically see the cogs turning in Tony's mind, he extended his hand but an evil looking grin spread across his face. "Well my not so little Ziva I thought I would see the day you asked me for help"

Slap!

We both looked around to see Gibbs smiling to himself "Tony you will need to learn, never insult the woman who is carrying your child"

What how did he know? Was I really that obvious? Oh my god now he knows? As I watched his expression seemed to change from teasing to anger to fear back to anger to worry to confusion finishing up on a mixture of all. His hand gripped around my wrist wrapping tight strangling it dragging me into the lift and switching the emergency top. "Tony, stop please your hurting me…"

His expression seemed to soften and his grip loosened but his face was still contorted in rage "Why didn't you tell me? you've been back for almost a month"

"I, I couldn't I was scared tony…"

"This is your fault you did this you had a choice so don't put that choice onto me I have a life and I hate kids so why should I spend my time looking after a kid that I don't even know if its mine"

Tears started to prickle the corners of my eyes as the lift began to move "oh common Ziva don't cry"

I looked away from him as the elevator arrived back up at the bullpen; I hurried into the fire escape and down the stairs to Abby's lab. When I arrived Abby took one look at before enveloping me in one of her signature hugs. Then her high heals clumping across the tiled floor she pressed the speed dial that rang on loud speaker for less than ten seconds before Gibbs answered and Abby's shrill but commanding voice "Gibbs I need a word with you now!"

Then slammed button to hang up the phone, less than a minuet Gibbs stormed into the lab his eyes moved around the room resting on my miserable form curled up a hand protectively wrapped around my stomach Gibbs's face softened and he walked over kissed my forehead. "Are you alright?"

"Fine"

My response was sharp and my accent was strong as I raged an internal battle with my emotions. I felt his arm wrap around me "tony disserved the truth Ziva"

"I know, I will apply for a transfer see if there is a way that I can stay working for NCIS"

"No Ziva you aren't going anywhere you and tony are both adults and you can work it out"

I sighed and sunk back into the chair "now Ziva I want you to go home"

"But Gibbs I have work to do…"

"Give it to McGee"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation before walking out the door.

Later that night there was a knock on my apartment door and I opened it to the Gibbs, Abby and a bag full of Thai food. "I thought you might need some company"

Gibbs mumbled as Abby launched herself at me enveloping me into a hug. Once I was released I stepped aside to let them pass. They walked into my surprisingly roomy apartment decorated with tapestries and woven carpets.

Gibbs slumped onto the chair while Abby placed the food on the glass coffee table. I quickly grabbed a box of food off the table I could see Gibbs grinning silently beside me "hungry?"

I smiled back and rubbed the surface of my stomach "starving"

"Eat"

I began to hoe into my food as Abby produced a small collection of movies "courtesy of tony"

I shot a look at her "sorry"

She muttered and gave me a puppy face look I smiled and let myself get gathered into an Abby hug. Gibbs touched my shoulder "you should talk to him."

"Gibbs it's not me that has the problem I… I… love him"

I trailed off "I know you do, Ziva you have to try"

"Why should I try? He doesn't believe me"

"He will… when he first lays his eyes on his tiny baby he will wish he had been with you every second of every day"

I buried my face into his shoulder the tears that had been threatening to break lose all afternoon came in a flurry.

Abby enveloped us in a group hug, then as I sat up there was another knock on the door I struggled to my feet and made my way laboriously over to the door. Looking through the peep whole I saw TONY I took three steps back. Abby and Gibbs both almost leapt off the sofa and came quickly over to the door.

"Ziva I know your cross with me but I just need you to sign these forms then you can forget I ever existed"

I slumped against the wall "well it's a bit late for that now, if you haven't forgotten I AM PREGNANT WITH YOU GOD DAM IT CHILD or don't you want to be part of your child's life? Isn't that important to you?"

I lost it crying and sobbing into Abby's shoulder. Gibbs opened the door and instead of letting him in he stepped outside and picking up a gun from the table holding it menacingly.

"DiNozzo do you know what you have done?"

"I asked her to sign the documents that would relieve me from fatherhood"

"You made her cry"

"What?"

Gibbs grabbed Tony's arm and dragged him inside I saw Tony's face soften as the sight of me lying crouched on the floor Abby draped protectively over me. He extended his hand to me but I ignored it and struggled to my feet trying to push up on a coffee table by the door. I felt a hand wrap around my stomach supporting my weight. "You need to learn how to accept help from other people"

"I will except help, WHEN I NEED IT"

I looked at him and walked away his expression had become stony again unreadable I felt a pang of misery.

As he left he said "I'll sort out the paperwork and have an attorney talk to you about the finer details"

He walked out the door as he left I felt a twinge a strange movement my hand flew to my stomach I knew he didn't care but it was still his baby and just possibly …. "Tony"

He stopped and turned to look at me I made my way over and reached out for his hand, he tried to withdraw it at my touch " Tony trust me"

I pulled his hand down and placed it on the surface of my belly and right on cue the baby kicked and for a brief second I saw a smile cross his face. For a second I thought he might hug me hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright but instead he turned away and said "I'm sorry Ziva but this isn't my cross to bear"

"Not your cross? Just because you don't have to carry the dam thing inside you for 9 months DOES NOT mean you don't have just as much responsibility for the child as I do it is OUR little Girl"

At this he turned back a look of shock crossing his face "a girl"

I nodded , as he turned and ran down the stairs.


	14. Chapter 14

I felt my heart shatter as I stood there looking after him I was vaguely aware of Abby pushing me into my room or when she handed me a set of pyjama to wear I didn't even notice when she steered me back into bed Gibbs only just broke into my consciousness when he said goodnight and made me promise to look after his grandchild to be before he brushed a bit of hair from my forehead and was on his way. I wanted ta ask them to stay I was scared alone I needed someone to help me.

2 weeks later

There was pain this morning, and it scared me, I was shaking I needed someone be there. I picked up the phone and dialled originally I had intended to call Gibbs or Abby but my figures had other ideas and by the time I realised what I was doing it was too late.

"Ziva are you ok?"

"Um… no I shouldn't have called can you ask Gibbs to come around?"

"Ziva talk to me his voice backing in emotion I really care about you Ziva"

"Now please tell me what's wrong"

This was interrupted as I tried to stifle a groan, "Ziva are you hurt?"

"No, I keep having contractions and …. I'm scared"

"I'll be over soon alright don't worry this is normal for your stage of pregnancy"

"Thankyou"

I murmured in a small voice.

When he hung up I let out a long breath that I didn't know I'd been holding and slumped on the couch. I had barely sat down before I was doubled over in pain I couldn't be in labour I still had a month left before I was due. I took a few deep breaths in a feeble attempt to calm myself.

Again came the sharp pain that ran through my back and stomach I was doubled over when tony ran in. I felt a hand warp around me and another hand on my back. He murmured softly into my hair "Ziva come on it's ok"

His breath on the top of my head as I began to sit up and he helped me to my feet "let's get you to the hospital"

"What no…"

"Yes listen to me I care about you a lot and I want you to listen to me"

I frowned at him but it hurt so I accepted the statement as he helped me down the stairs even though I protested that it wasn't necessary. Into the car and as he started it I felt the pain run through me, a hand gripped mine "come on Zi you'll be alright you can do this"

"You can do this? Is that all you can say after I've looked after your baby girl for 8 months and loved you for 7 months after that while I was being held captive and when I got back you don't believe me"

"I was scared"

"Scared do you really think I am not scared? Here is scared you start growing when your captive you don't know what's happening you don't ever know if you will get out of there 7 months Tony 7months no idea if the lack of food was hurting the little life inside me and you know what the only thing that kept me going? The thought that you would never stop looking for me until you found me, the fact that you would take me home and look after me, the fact you would love me"

"I'm sorry"

When we pulled up Gibbs was there along with Abby and McGee I rushed over and Abby threw herself at me I felt the tears breaking from there barriers and shouted back "try again sorry isn't good enough"

I felt like my heart was going to break the little creature inside of me could be in trouble and I couldn't do anything about it. I paced back and forth while we waited for the doctor to return "sit Ziva"

I looked around at Gibbs he was watching me intently "if something's wrong then wandering around can only make it worse"

I sighed and slumped into a chair I hated how Gibbs was always right it just bugged me I started playing with my belly button just as the female Doctor re-entered the room I looked up slowly a hand protectively placed over my little baby girl. "Everything's fine the pain was some brax and hicks contractions but they where as the abdominal examination revealed the start of labour so I want you to take one of these every 3 hours for the next two days then for the rest of your pregnancy take one every morning"

With this she handed me a rather large plastic bottle with some random name that was clearly meant to be written not said. "oh and one last thing"

The doctor said as she turned back to me "Ziva you will need to stay in overnight just for observation"

I nodded a numb feeling spreading through out my body as I gently massaged my belly murmuring softly "what I have done? Baby mummy was stupid"

He didn't come in and I didn't want him to but I also like the fact that he cared about me enough to come and visit even though he didn't come in I hoped that things would get better between us I hoped I could only hope"

I looked down at my belly I needed to get some serious shopping done if my baby is due in a few weeks.

I lay there thinking of the upcoming shopping trip with slight apprehension no I needed sleep and as the world became light and happy came images of tony grinning and his pout face along with his exceptional good looks. I couldn't help it I loved him and the more he hurt me the more I loved him and the more I needed him.

I woke up an dressed discharging myself before making my way to the car where I sat down breathing heavily this whole pregnancy thing is a hell of a lot of work. I made my way to the headquarters once parked I began to slowly climb the stairs from the parking lot into the building but as usual my timing was terrible I arrived just as tony McGee and Gibbs were leaving for a lunch break. I felt a hand on my shoulder "Ziva what happened to taking it easy?"

"But Gibbs if I was at home I would be going mental and I'm fine"

This seemed to be where tony stepped in "Ziva do you not care about our little girl?"

"I don't care? I DON'T CARE! Coming from you that is a big thing to say do you honestly think I do not care for the life that is forming inside me?"

With that I turned my attention to McGee "so McGee you have any smart comment to add to the list?"

"Honestly just go home and have a break we'll talk more tomorrow and McGee and DiNozzo will be accompanying you to make sure you do so and that's an order"

"That's mean"

I mumbled back I could see him smiling "I know it wasn't meant to be nice"

I sulked as I drove back to my apartment tony refused to let me carry my stuff so I climbed the three flights of stairs to my apartment before collapsing on the couch.

I looked up just in time to catch tony watching me his eyes tracing my body's curves and lines. When he saw I had caught him looking so he quickly looked away and mad a quick escape into the babies room if I ever get around to buying stuff for it.

I struggled off the couch and ignoring McGee's protests followed tony into the babies room, he turned as I walked in an almost smile was spread across his face but there was also a somewhat serious side lingering behind. "Ziva…"

He sighed "what happened to being on bed rest?"

"I got bored"

"Oh"

I saw him flash a characteristic grin "looks like probe isn't up to the job of looking after you"

I smiled as he placed a hand around my waist and marched me back into the living room, depositing me on the couch and continuing into the kitchen where he retrieved a collection of movies none of which to his horror I had seen and two packets of Chinese food. He deposited one box on my lap and set up salt and began a running commentary on every scene of the film, I couldn't help smiling he seemed to be enjoying himself and with all that he'd done I just wanted to curl up on his lap and have his warm body pressed up against mine.

It was late that night and I'd sent McGee home saying Abby would kill me if I kept him much later but tony was another matter I was still in this argument when Gibbs finally arrived "tony go home sleep shower eat you own food and get out of my god dam it house"

Tony right now I think having you where at the moment is doing more bad than good. With this tony sighed and stepping forward placed both his around my stomach and planted a kiss on the top of my head "good night Ziva"

He murmured. I looked at Gibbs in confusion, in just a few weeks his whole attitude towards me turned for one pole to the other first was caring protecting then hated and now somewhere unknown different . "Hay tony…"

"Yer"

"Um do you want to take the spare bed just for tonight, its late and you need sleep"


End file.
